I hung out with my friends. Ihad parents. I was just a regular kid, but then one day I met your momand then we had you. I couldn't be a kid any more because I had my ownkid. I had to be a grown-up, a father and a husband. It didn't happen allat once, like someone flipped a switch and I was suddenly a responsibleadult. It happened slowly and in time. I evolved from a kid into anadult."I told him that I understood what he was saying, but I also reminded himthat for me, it really was like someone flipped a switch and I wassuddenly an adult.Dad nodded and said, "Yeah, that's true, and that's a whole otherconversation, one that would probably be best served by talking to yourmom, but for now lets focus on you evolving into a woman. I'm not goingto sit here and tell you that being a woman for Ken won't be strange andgross at first, but I am saying that if the two of you stay in arelationship and that relationship is sexual, your feelings about it willevolve. But in the meantime, before. I left the gas station and went to the first campground that I found through my laptop. I pulled into a spot and hooked up. I went back inside and locked up. I then sat at the dining table and put my head in my hands.I cried. I cried for my sister, her husband and their baby, my nephew. I cried for my parents dead in that accident. I cried for Dot and Sue and their parents. I cried for Sam and Angie and their parents. I cried for the man I shot who had killed their dad and mom. I cried for myself. I just let it out. I was tired of death. I was tired of being alone. The tension of always being watchful, of having no one watching my back, was dragging me down. I didn't understand the violence. There were so few of us left. I finally wept myself dry.I got up and took a quick shower and felt better. The water washed away some of my sorrow. I took a Coke from the fridge and my keys and went outside and sat down. I needed to think. I could live in the RV for a long time and just travel.
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